Thinking

I think when I'm really stressed, i tend to drink alot,and i know it's bad for health but though it constraint me from doing that. Still, i can't stop myself from doing that.
Now,i feeling super duper over-strain for the gazillion times which i find it so meaningless. I'm trying to behave properly,talk less sarcastic but it makes no sense. You are who you are, i realize one point. You don't change for the others,it is unfair to yourself.
As i age, i think alot and immense myself in deep-thinking.I want to be success as anyone else out there and always constantly remind myself to give myself three to four year and once i graduated, i will hold a stable income job,drive a car and earn my own state of living.
I don't wish to rely and depend men for a living hood,and that is not me. I won't do that,because it is useless as i thought.(There is no free-lunch in this world)
Perhaps,i think highly of myself or go beyond the expectation i want,because till now, i couldn't find the correct path i want, the right decision i make,maybe i have been contradicting with words and actions recently.
Few years down the road, i don't wish to see myself partying and wasting my life away. Right now, guys aren't my top priority.On rather, making money is the most priority right now.

Monday's blue.....
So many things congested in my mind, i am dying inside.
I'm putting a tough front to everyone everyday,an a mask every moment.

The real reason why people fall out,make up,fall out,make up again.
Because the world is selfish and cruel.
Is either you get it or mine.Usually,people takes things for granted and desire more.
Unless you have the capabilities in achieving all those, the world adores and accept you.
The lesson learn is well-paid off and credible.

"I'm often sarcastic,because i live sarcasm as part of my list."

If you don't call,don't ever call.
If you ever pick up the courage and dial the phone call,i call it brave.
If you met someone ever better than me,i wish you the best.
If you regard me as friend,i won't regard you as enemy.
If you think your reason is ignorant,why bother explaining?
If you ever think you are coward,you are always a timid coward.
Because life's with or without you,makes no difference and no sense.
I won't cry for you nor i will plead on you,that's never my style and exist in my dictionary.
Because i'm wearing the pants,you are not.You're sheepishly wearing a chiffon dress.

Something must be wrong with the photo upload at blogger.Weekend's a crazily madness, went out partying with a huge crowds at powerhouse station with bff's and saw many familiar faces.My body and toes aches aftermath,and i went home early because i think i age efficiently after the late-night partying.
Been coughing for a numerous days and my throat is fatally sore, i guess i am contaminated with the flu bugs. Also, been sneezing and feeling fatigue as well.Blame it on the weather,i felt like i'm baking in the oven under the humid temperature.Therefore,it is best for a sun-tanning session.

Anyway, i didn't really have the mood for anything,as seems my brain is freezing cold and numb.Bad news is,i have to work now and good news is,i got enough cash to travel in months times.
My mind's is so contaminated and empty and i don't know why.

Goodnight,earthlings

Hi earthlings, it's pretty recklessly lifeless for me, having awake at 4pm and stooped around house afterwhich and ate the takeout mom bought for me. After that, back to my books. It's a boring routine and i feel stuffed, but it is good to stay at home for awhile rather than the constant late hangout. Bad and unhealthy lifestyle. I guess after my exam, will start to look for a job or maybe send resume after i'm done with the papers. Perhaps, earning an income and stop relying on parents will prove to them that i am no longer dependent, but an independent modern woman.

Anticipating for girlfriend birthday which is the coming tuesday, thinking and planning for a surprise or perhaps a dinner treat. It depends.
Ok, back to books, enjoy!

Not this time, i think my stomach growling with anger again. How to curb hunger pangs and i just don't want to grab myself a bite because i am lazy, plain lazy whereby i do not want to do anything right now.
Staying up this inauspicious hours watching the Korean tv drama boys over flowers. At first, i wasn't keen at all to watch the drama because i felt lame and dope. I meant the girls fall head over heels over those guys, it's a bit dramatic i thought but anyway,since i have nothing to do,so i attempted to watch and it turned out pretty good and addictive. I'd only managed to watch the behind parts of the show online because the drama ended at this particular episode on Tv earlier, on channel 8.
I need to go and renew my id because of some dumb reason which i don't wish to mention.
Anyway, i will stop ranting.
Have a nice weekends though.

Today's a fufiling day.Hit the town with mom because i need to stock up my make up necessities. Badly enough, i overspent the budget again. As, i bought the Bobbi brown blackliner which cost me $40 bucks which is much more expensive with the one i bought the last time, M.A.C. Too bad, there isn't a Gss period for cosmestics. My mom bought Dior products without any discounted price, but points credited to my membership card. I saw the David Off and Dior perfume and hesitating to buy either one of them. Actually, Kenzo women's femme perfume smell nice too. Either i will opt for kenzo or David off perfume, we will see how.
Anyway, Gss is a total craze for singapore shoppers, you can see alot of people in orchard because they can purchase their favourite brands in a special prices, especially the 1/2 price.
Afterwhich, we headed to lucky's plaza to grab dinner then home sweet home.

I don't know why am i feeling so restless and lerthagic even i slept for more than 8 hours, something must be wrong with my body system. I've been yawning non-stop, and it is really a pain in the ass. Luckily, today i managed to finish two chapters of my lecture notes before heading out. Now, i have to be back to my books.

Cheese, i desperately need a new haircut, a new dye.
Just been so sick of this look ever since a few months and i need a good suggestion.
I want something more affordable and stylish.
I want to look achieve the "it girl" look, just like those girls out there.
I want to cut even shorter, but i am afraid i look like one abnormal creep, you get what i mean.

I won't lose,i fear losing.
Strong determination, and bearable thinking.
I ought to get this right, ought to have its own motivation.
I tell myself i won't fall from this fight, i won't.
Because this is me

Constant fear and worried

Yesterday, was out with girlfriends for star buck and followed by the aftermath, which is the makansutra.
The food was so unbearable except the grilling chicken wings. Only for that it was an exemption, all of it look so sickly and oily.
I was so fucking pissed with my computer, giving me incessant of problems, either shut down automatically or programmes popping out unnecessarily which frustrates me alot. My brother took my laptop which i have Microsoft office installed into it and now, i can't opened up the dopest file which my friend had sent me through gmail which contained exam tips. Therefore, need to ask my friend to print it out and send me. Double job= Double trouble.

The exciting part was my brother came by crashing on my pad and we had a psp playing game session. Too bad, he knocked out within an hour and fall into deep sleep with his piglet snores, haha.
Anyway, i didn't really slept well since and only slept for 3 hours. Suffering from sleep deprivation is absolutely bad for health and dehydrated your body. My body doesn't seem to be performing systematically which spell awful.
Seriously, am worry for next week exam because so far, i only covered three chapters and there are more to go. Lastly, i'm heading back to my books.

Night earthlings and babies,peace out

It had sent a shockwaves sweeping across the world and tributes that the "King Of Pop" is dead.
M.J, is the most influential icon and figures in the renowned music industry and pop music history. Unfortunately, he had planned for a last comeback concert tour in London next month he had dubbed " The last curtain."

It had triggered an outpouring of grief and despair as shocked pop music superstars and the devoted fans.
Till then, i was devastated with this shocking piece of news. To this day and moment, i believe that his music is played in every corner of the world and the reason for the support was he is a divine of talent whereby he ruled the music charts and his dazzling audiences with his excellent dance moves like the backward "Moonwalk" in the 1980s.

He is definitely a "legend" which i believe inspires everyone. As he made a stage clan with a piping soprano and dazzling dance moves. He inspire everyone with professionalism, talent and grace. It is definitely a loss to lose a legend like him.

I believe the spirit of excellent music he brought us, and divinity of souls always live with him.
Therefore, with love and bravery. Let's sink into the god blessing and best wishes.

Long live the "King Of Pop"

Sometimes, i think those nasty balls out there are a pathetic motherchuckers who don't brace themselves when they trying to break things off with the pussies.
Why, is it so hard to clear the air when things can be done short and sweet.
What you guys were thinking when you have to make a big fuss out of nothing, i just couldn't get it.
Use your little asses and think, if not your brain.
I believe 9/10 are a complete losers who do not dare face the facts to tell the other party when they are just making merry along with friends.
I just don't get it, seriously. If you do not like the girls, you shouldn't be treating them as a substitutes when you could not pass over those hurdles or simply playing the field.
Please, we are not those soccer balls whereby we can be kicked around. This is too hard to bear and too little to sweat.
For goodness sake, for the Jesus Christ's law, don't ever use the sweet-honeyed words when you guys, tend to over-used it when things are not taken seriously. And, don't swear as it is either yes or never.
We are not competing in a psp games, so please don't do this.
Even gays have feelings, why don't you people? Even bimbos have hard feelings with you people.
Love to have a disappearing acts and act as if nothing happened, sorry, it is too late to even feel apologetic because you all seem to ruin the pussies and causing a great nightmare when you people, are busying partying, finding some bimbos, making love and some underhand businesses.

Nightmares, nightmares......
So hard to take the blows.

Yes, thank you for making me realise what a fool i am.
Making me a real sore loser.
Making me so miserable and sick.
These two years, i learn to deal with such a sick pest like you, i hit the bottom of the rock.
Nobody knows, you were making merry with your sanity.
Somehow, i can forgive u, somewhat, i have the courage to tell please fuck off.
Please, leave me alone.

Today's a father day, so i went out and grabbed an early dinner with my parents and treated my dad a sumptuous meal, at least i thought so. After which, went to town to meet my bitches and co. Had a great bitching session though and i miss the delicious hot dog i bought at far-east plaza. Snapped a few lame shots as if we were modelling. But indeed, it was fun as it has been a long while since i met up with them.
Receive my sweetheart call and we have a short chat over the phone, i guess long-distant r/s is so hard to maintain.
Till then, i will just treat it as a game then. Because it is so dangerous, so dangerous and no hazard free, as if the fire burning.
Seriously, since young, i treat everything as a game. Whatever you tell me, and no matter how u brainwash me with your little cryptic talk, i find it obnoxious and i do not know why. I tend to be more protective to myself in the crab-shell and i seldom share my thoughts and feelings to people for those who know me. Yes, i do give advices to many people who met into problems in certain circumstances and situations, but when it come to mine, i just screwed it up tentatively.

I admit i am stronger than anything, but i hate to suffer from setback, this is a big blow i won't take and afraid to lose.
Therefore, i guess i haven't been tearing and weeping for many years. Even when my dad said the most nasty words to me, i feel so numb. I like to act tough in front of people, i don't wish to let people see the utmost weakling side in me.

This is bad, so bad,and bad......

Been so exhausted ever since yesterday, went to work restlessly.
This weekend probably skip partying, chill-out lounges, and all the night activities and just activate myself to have a good sleep over my own pad.
Anyway, i realised i tend to make a remarkable curt blunders over things and i am so sorry about it. Because i just speak the way i like, think the way i want it to be. Therefore, come to the term of it, not many people can accept me for who i am.
Seriously, i can't sleep properly, eat nicely, think wisely. All i wanted to do was to rest my brains and simply do nothing about it. Sadly, i can't, because i have too many things which constraint my mind. It actually call the mind-blowing session.

Now having a mild headache, and heartache. Why do i hurt so much when people are making merry around their enjoyable life. They do not know when the person having an insomnia. It's just been crushing,crushing,crushing.

"Old picture"

Mom, i thanked you being there for me ups and downs.
Although we always bicker over the trivial matters, and you will tolerate all my impulsive and temperamental attitudes.
You know I'm nothing without your support, when the whole world came crashing down on me, you will my wonder woman or saviour.
I used to let god takes the wheel, but now it seems that you are circulating around my problems, providing me your advices and consoles though you know i am stubborn.
Sorry, i may let you down occasionally and play a wild-child role, but in my heart, you're the best gift from god.
I'd know i can't bring the best out of everything, but i will try to play the best roles of a daughter to you, a best friend, a confidante upon your hearings.

p.s Everyday is a mother's day, with a leap of faith.

Seemingly, we were foolish.
We were both solely wrong to go ahead the eagerly trap.
I'm immensely walking through this lonely path, why did you just dump me here, alone?
I'd wonder, ponder over and over again.
Never mind, we were just playing mind games, just as it seems.
Just that i call it a gimmick, or we bringing it to the next level, it's game over.
We will have to see...

We were once young and mighty,
with love and bravery,
and with arms and armours,
until one day, we found out that we were losers and knight less.

Caught drag me to hell, stupid flick yet a funny one.
Maybe it was due to the sound effects.
Grabbed dinner, smoke a few puff of cancer stick, snooped around the malls before movie, and home sweet home.
Life really sucks when you have no aims, no goals, no desires.
Initially, my independent plans was get a good-stable job, get a car before 23, move out of my crib, earn a stable income, provide my own lodging, provide monthly allowances for parents.
Till then, or rather i have to wait, maybe in the future.

I hate you, the feelings so dangerous.
Maybe i can't get you over, since the past years you been haunting me.
You made me afraid of passing over those hurdles, you made me bleeding through the blunder knife.
Why didn't you just use a trigger and shot me down.
Maybe i really hate you for those things you have done, although i'm strong-minded.
You're not on purpose, but intentionally.

P.s Bark off, you dog

Yesterday was awesomely enjoyment. Went to dbl o with dap and meet up with brandon and company for their sailor "POP".
I swear i was fucking dope high and tipsy with the amount of liquor in me and had a terrible hangover since yesterday.
Anyway, on random note, looking forward to Thailand trips, so far yet so close.
Night earthlings, xoxo, s

Tomorrow's another day, assignment handover.

Fuck la, ccb,knn
Appear that we can blog about vulgarities.
Relief, relief,relief.........

I'm so gonna care less about the relation between everyone, and you.
The moment i start to care more is spending devotion towards my family and myself, of course.
Human instincts..human instincts...

Seriously, with an unknowingly reason, i feel the sudden of anger.
I'd just come to a term that i'm fucking upset, fucking strain.
It seem that the world came by crashing on me.

Today's a boring shit Monday. Monday blues, Monday aching, Monday heartaches, Monday's hunger, Monday's disasters.

Finished our lesson at 1130 and went ahead to parkway parade, accompanied by one of the core four bitches, S to get the contact lenses and then we snooped around the shopping malls for a couple of hours before heading home. I'm thrilled because i finally managed to buy the super-magnificent lip gloss.

On random note, i'm feeling really tired,tired,tired and also restless.

Night earthlings! xoxo, s

Today's a sunday and it is raining heavily. The thought of lazing around at home suits the weather.
I should stay at home today, rent some dvds and cut some slacks.
It would be nice.

"It's better to be loved than never to have love at all."

Boring shit

Tonight, i still have trouble sleeping, something must be wrong with me.
So i got my nail painted, binge eating, have sex with my computer.
Finally i get to see my bff after whole weeks of cooping herself at home, so we went to chill at acid bar, our usual hangout with ashley and her boyfriend, tim. But it turned out awkward as i expected. Again, it was sex-citing, because i get to make love with my stout of beers.
Anyway, it was a boring shit to hang out in singapore, need a short getaway soon once i save up the money.
Still, on random note, lacking of chemistry sabotage a relationship or when u're seeing someone.
Night earthlings!

xo, s

The betrayal from the closest kins are integrating tormenting one.
I hate this, i hate that.
I could collaspe anytime sooner....

officially sick and tired

I admit,i care about how people think of me.
Somehow, i feel that everyone has a judgement day.
Why, out of suddenly, i feel that everyone outshine me in someway, in an unique way.
All of sudden, all the pressure are hanging by the moment, leaving me acting solemnly.
I feel that i'm not stronger anymore, im falling, falling into a deeper depth, leaving me alone.
I thought we have the stimulate chemistry, but why do you, everyone leave a sudden goodbye note.
Am i not good enough? i probe this question all over and over again.
Why everyone have to do all these to me, what exactly have i done wrong? this is so injustice..
Apparently, now i'm officially sick of how people look at me, think of me, gossip about me.
Because if you think you can't capture well the limelight, i steal it and so be it.

keane-somewhere only we know

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?I'm getting old and I need something to rely onSo tell me when, you're gonna let me inI'm getting tired and I need somewhere to beginAnd if you have a minute why don't we goTalk about it somewhere only we know?This could be the end of everythingSo why don't we go, somewhere only we knowSomewhere only we know?

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?I'm getting old and I need something to rely onSo, tell me when you gonna let me inI'm getting tired and I need somewhere to beginAnd if you have a minute why don't we goTalk about it somewhere only we know?This could be the end of everything.So why don't we go, so why don't we go?Hmmm yeahh.This could be the end of everythingSo why don't we go, somewhere only we know,Somewhere only we knowSomewhere only we know?

Earlier in the evening, i went for a jog, and i realised i have to reform back my old stamina. I just have the sudden urge to jog, to forget the most excruciating trouble and the incessant problems i have received.
I felt so energetic after a run, and it seem that it is a release, release, release, for a short moment.

Looking back at the old good times we spent, no matter during at work, play and everything, they are the one for you. Feeling all your misery, sorrows, desperation, craves and desires.

Sex-citing, sexcition, it's the sex to have friends like them, during your younger days.

Those are the periods we were young and naive, stubborn, being quarrelsome with each others, conflicts, countless of madness, jealousy, getting drunk together, stay over at each other 's cribs, getting naked and staring at each other, smoke harsh and create havoc.

This reminds me a flashback of myself, behaving childishly, a wild-child who used to break rules, fights, a heart broken by people and i broke people heart.

When is the first time you saw the real me? I think opposite does attracts, it's the crave for some sex-citing and wild intentions.

Why do we care about how people think, it is like a fashion faux-pax, thin models walking on the steps, dress the way they are.
People look and think the way you behave, like how you're published in page-six.
If you're famous, you succeed
If you don't, try dugging a hole and hide yourself.
That's pretty much we call it famous or infamous.

"So we should take our clothes off, stare at each other, get some affection."

Revenge, revenge, revenge
I'm on the verge of major plans as it fall in, one last game to see who is the winner of it all?
One last game to prove that i am better than anyone else, who say queen can't conquer it all, i do.
Now that the battle is on, until it is over, you will have a clean slate.
That's the thing, you have to be cool to be a queen. Forget boys, keep your eye on the prize, people. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, it's all worthy.
Bearable or unbearable? You can tell jesus the bitch is back.

Exhausted, worn-out and tear apart.
Alcohol seem to my best company, tv console seem to be my best shoulder to cry on.
I'm so tired, heading to bed.
Tomorrow's another day, remember?

The circumstances are most extenuating. Can we forgive it this one time?

I had a slightly minor pimple breakout, and i realised it's a pain in the ass whenever all my friends grumbled over it. Thus, i tried finding for a concealer before heading for school, but i couldn't managed to find.
My heart is sinking deep, deeper and i don't know why. I can be a player but i don't wish myself to be played, you see the whole objectives and points. Do you get it? Realisation in a discrimination, we are so much better off as friends, than lover.

I love everyone, and i can't bring myself to hate anyone, for those who once betrayed me or in their spiral acts, i still forgive and forget. Always befriend with an enemy and everyone is built up with walls and you have to be distinctive about it, also, read them as a book.

Anyway, maybe partying this week and i am enjoying every nightlife ever. Never mess around with me, you will never get to.

I'm so a party-goer and do you?

night sweethearts, xoxo

I treated all this as a game, and i don't expect myself to sink deep, deeper. Sorry, i don't wish to hurt your fragile and brittle heart, but i can't bear to. You are so gentle and sweet, i guess i have no right to exile you from loving other people. Maybe u think i may stole your heart, you stole mine. I guess you never really understand how i feel. I have been there, done that and i don't care how my physical and mental attractions are on you. So what it was, so what with ez?

I'm more like day-dreaming than talking. Yesterday had a crash-over at c's crib. It was fantastic because we were having a heart-to-heart talk and card game although it was boring. Afterwhich, we headed down to bugis to have steamboat with another bitch, which i must say it was good. I don't know my stomach has been fluttering, like butterflies, perhaps. It was humilating to say, i admit. Must say, i do have problem with guys and i don't know why. Consider myself a devil, i love games.

Anyway, i have to hoax myself to sleep because i have work tomorrow, night earthlings!

This past years, i see myself growing up, falling down. This is the moment i call it to be. I had experienced alot of happiness, trauma and sadness throughout my whole entire journey. Sometimes, it hurt me a little but i still manage to get through all these mess up shits.
I'd graduated from high school, going to a new environment, meeting new friends, enjoying every moment i have. I don't call it the last moment but the best experience i have. Frankly speaking, i do struggle and entangle myself in this complex environment, but i call this part of my learning journey. Also, thank to my family and aunt who were there for me when i needed them most. In fact, i would personally thank my aunt (doesn't admit she is old). She taught me how to do business and share alot of her life experience in order not to follow her old footsteps. I also learn how to make decision to deal with certain circumstances in such situation. ( I'm like memorising scripts for grammy awards)

so glad

For the last moment, i had enough. I am so done with everything here. Therefore, i am going to care less about the misery, torments, guilt, sadness and unhappiness. Perhaps, in my last straw, i have done enough in lending people a hand whenever they have problem or issues. Not wishing people would be appreciative but the least you could do is a " thank" is more than enough. Whenever i have problem, i don't think people would eventually lend a hand or a listen ear. Ultimately, it seem that all my worries and problems are bury inside head. Apparently, i appear to be not much of any problems because partly you all, may think that i am a strong-willed person. Yes, i am with firm thinking but somehow, you people may not understand even the strong and tough person will fall when meet into a setback. Imaginely, no one is there for you and you have to resolve it all by yourself. I tried it because im experimenting all these in the past, no one is really there for you when you desperately need a lending hand. They either escape or avoid you. So i learn to be strong and wiser, and deal with different kind of circumstances. I won't allow anyone to have a chance to see me for, see my weakling side. Thank to you i must say, this past two years i learn how to be headstrong in every decision i make. Although i do not hate you anymore, but there is still a little hatred inside me for the way we treated each other. I've seen through people in my entire life, that is why i never believe anyone, not even my closest friends, i chose to believe in myself, believe in what i see and hear. Call me stubborn for whatever you want to describe, i am willing to bear all those criticism. Seriously, i don't give a fuck about how people think of me, my personality or anything because i behave just the way i am. You do not have any right to teach me any moral lesson. Ever once a friend told me " stand strong, you never fall." Until now, this quote becoming part of my essential life and i am reminding myself everyday, even today. This motivates me not to fall and successfully, i am what i am today. I am glad.

I believe in you,everyone does, except you. I trusted you for handling your personal issues, but you seem to me that you can't resolved it and instead, you are dragging your feets upon this matter. Why beat about the bush when you already decided what you want, i have no idea. One thing i know is i know you more that i know the actual facts.
You're leading to more even worst scenarios do you know that, in the first place. More or less to say, you are a coward who can't handled matter in a mature way.
I feel bad for you, for everyone, for the person you have hurt the most deeply. For once, i thought you were nice, until then....

Hi, pardon me for the little posts. Had a small celebration for D, and it turned out awesomely good. Maybe we had an overdose of drinks, so we are kind of high. The least i could do is to stay sober to take care the bunches of dead drunker. I'd presume everyone was absolutely "HIGH".
Will post up the photos soon i promise. Maybe i am just sick of night lifestyle, very much hate the crowds and the music or truth to be told, i am half affected by the recent issues. Pathetically speaking, i saw him and we exchanged a few words and gestures. Do you know i am so upset about it still, until now. Throughout these period, i am trying my best to hide my angers because i do not want to create a scene.
I won't let you see me for or either you, to destroy my night because it does not worth a splatter of dirt with such jerk like you.
Done, goodnight everyone!

Two culprits in disguise, can we find a good-hearted souls?
Very much to say, it's hard to complements one person.
Damn hard that you may collapsed anytime, anywhere.

Am proud of her rockability chic style, you own it mischa

Random shots with a colleague, too "BL"

The headband "girl"

Random shots because "BL". I wonder celebrities can bring out styles well, why couldn't we?

They achieved great styles with awesome hairstyles, great scent of aura beauty, lanky figures. They pull off so well and play hard with fashion. My fashion-inspired "IT girl" is agyness deyn. My short-length hair was also inspired by her. It bring out the edgy and also feminine look i call it be.

Enough about it, i guess i will never be like them with my petite sizes, short and burgy, fat thighs. I just wish i would have liposuction for goodness sakes so that i could get shorty shorts, showing off my lanky and slimmer thighs, also dump the jeans and lastly, mini skirts with heels. Fat hope!
I would wanna shed some pounds to size 1, grow taller, a regimes of good skins.

I will call it a day, because tomorrow i have to wake up for work and it is the holiday! *Yawns*

"When people stop questioning about your past, it doesn't mean they do not care for you, because they bring you freedom away from sorrows."

I've survived

I've survived today, from the recent ruins and issues from the people. Geez, what's on earth with people? I really don't understand. The one stay kin to you, sheepishly being so sheep and cunning about those trivial matters. Do you have problems with that? Sorry, i would not let anyone destroy me, neither do you. Or rather, i have to trust my own judgement rather than letting things go chaos. Bear that in mind. not many people could bring me down, neither do you.

Or rather i have to wait, maybe in the future, i see the truth. I am not the one having issues, you do.

Anyway, tomorrow is my bffs birthday. Will be holding a party for her, will be a great one i guess. There is a guest which i least expected. Apparently, i just wish you are out of my life, gone for good.

TASTE FOR THE BITTER! LIKE I CARE, BECAUSE YOU ARE SO GROUNDED!

what is wrong with everything?

Somehow i know i was wrong, but i don't admit it liberally. Somewhat i know i am stubborn and headstrong whereby i don't admit defeat. Then you know, when you try to protect someone beloved or the closest one, you get nothing in return. It's not because i want something in return, it simply the way of protesting the right you achieved for someone. Ultimately, you have been used unknowingly over and over again which is devastating. Sonehow, i'm playing a role of a good guy and it's tiring. A baddie would never feel exhausted using all underhand means to get what they want. Therefore, a bad guy would get what they usually want.
Fuckkkk, i feel as if everything gone wrong and it is not because i wanted to sound i am pessimistic about things around me, it is due to the fact that i trust people too much. I know them rather than i know myself well. What is wrong with the earth? What is wrong with the people globally?

Someday, somehow i find myself not in my usual ways.
I have alot of traumatic dramas through ups and down which i realised i don't love myself as much as i used to be.
I tend to protect myself in one of those ironic situations. i've been through betrayals and fights when people just couldn't get the point that i'm the one who is suffering all those bruises and pain. In my innermost thought, i wish someone would pulled me back to where i belong, to the less grumble one.
I thought i was the chirpy and spontaneous, until today someone told me i was boring. Till then, i realised something has gone wrong in me. In this situation, i can only salvage it, not anyone else.
I becoming more realistic about the world, everything and including myself. I realised that after what i've done, i've been jilted and fooled.

why do you exists when i see you don't

What's your point and what's your worst? In regard of everything, u're just a selfless person with inhuman feelings. Why're you borne and breed in such an attitude whereby I'm so disgusted about it. You blatantly called me and used me to clean up your dirty deets. Call yourself a man or some superficial hero. Ultimately, i doubt so. You're just one of the well-off,with no moral values. You think you could used money to buy everything, including sex. Hero, you are so wrong and i despise you. Seriously, i hate you more than i hate myself, for now.
I am not attempting to teach you anything, at least have self-respect and morality on your own.
Strangers do have magnet of attraction, and also repulsion of hatred and gutless feelings. You do not know how i feel for you. I'd harboured an angst of anger and filled with painstaking sorrows.
One day, you will realised the importance of human-values, just so you know.

when you have one thing in your mind, what would it be

Throughout these whole period of holidays, been partying hard and wild, staying up late researching and resourcing the therapy of sleep resolutions.

I'd have trouble with sleeping and had insomnia, i just can't get to sleep until 5AM. There, i need to find ways to revitalize and rejuvenate my energy before getting to my usual form.

So, yesterday i went to watch sniper with daphne and co. It was a boring movie thou and i gave a rating at 2.5/5.

Then, we went to arab street to chill and relaxing, drink hoegarden which is charmane favourite.

Good-bye!