Seriously speaking,i miss my social lifestyle,what i'm living now is pretty mundane ever since school ended. It seem like i'm drifted apart from everyone including my friends and almost everyone. I pretend to be someone who smile and laugh but the fact is,i'm not happy with myself. Perhaps,i can never satisfy myself,lest talking about satisfying other people's needs.

I am a wasted youth.

Losing grips

Guilt tripping and countless words untold. This world is shallow,you can never entrust yourself to anyone,not anyone but yourself. Whatever things you do,you trust your feelings and not to anybody else. I realise i am such a motherfucking failure and a wasted youth. I spent all my entire life realising what a motherfuckable person am i. I can look very positive and sound optimistic all the time you people always see. But the fact is,i'm not. I have a very pessimistic ego and i don't look at things on a brighter sides. Maybe due to all the drama-rama going on throughout my growing years.

Also,it seem like i don't set myself a very good example,to everyone and the young kids. Needless to say, i am truely a bad ass.

How many times have i been hurt,like something stab through my heart and take everything away from me? All the betrayals,setbacks i have been through and all those major shits. No one know me better than i know myself more. That's why i never trust anyone,even my closest ones. Call me a cold species and i don't give a huge fag about it.

I love to think i am a person you could spend your laughter and a shoulder to cry on. But in such circumstances, somehow,it's unpredictable.

In a losing grips...

FML

I just got back from the fucking work place and i fucking fucking hate it. Today doesn't seem to my day i call it pride. Fml..fml..fml indeed.

I was pathetically tired and only had one meal because i can't seem to crave for anything today.

I felt so motherfucking pissed which i do not wish to post it here because i am not someone who like to share my inner deep thoughts. Precisely, this issue got to be murder asap.

Didn't you guys realised chinese new year and valentine day actually crash on the same day,which means they got to celebrate both important festive season plus from their love ones as well while i am gonna be alone this year. Fortunately, i got to spend with my family and love ones.

I feel that i maybe leaving anytime soon, and i am not hoping for anything. Thanks for being there with me all these while and i appreciated it alot with your mentor and guidances. But, i have to move on for a better path carve out for me.

Men usually take sex as a sports,visualise a woman like a sexpot and take them for granted. They do not value woman chasity and almost regard them as a booty call.

When a dishonourable man treat you as a rebound or want nothing more than you,but just a booty call. You have to learn how to jeopardise this hazard in order to let yourself getting less hurt. A guy would never hurt you if they would treat you properly,with respect and most importantly, a value in their life.

When a guy say they need time to reconsider about their feelings with you. Forget about it, they are just making a plain excuse in avoiding this issue and also, preying for better targets out there, and you are unlikely to be one of them. When they call you out of the blue, without any notice, they just want a sleepovers with you,cuddles,sex with you and nothing more than that. So, please do not assume they are actually interested in you whereby they are just treating you as their passing time moments.

Nothing worth more than knowledge,because knowledge is power. A guy would actually be an honourable man if they actually see you as a human-being,treat you nicely,fancy you and shower you with more care,concern and love instead of treating you as a sex pot.

Basically, we are not kleenex in which we are use once and throw away. This theory is long existence in our logic because guys treated everything like their favourite sports game whereby they do not see the consequences it cause hurt, and more hurt.

What a motherfucking night?! i'm still here with more rants and i just couldn't stop ranting during my free time. Shouldn't i be obsessing with those notes than blogging but i couldn't,i have too much to say,too much thoughts to share,more worrying issues to handle,etc.

Shouldn't i be quitting partying? I feel as if my era is over,and the younger generation begins. I felt as if my health is deterioting or on rather, i haven't been enjoying the partying as much as it happened in the past. I should have concentrate on doing something more fufilling and lead a healthier state of mind.

I have to start sending my resumes after i graduate but i am contemplating to take degree or continue to work? This is definitely a worst-part being an adult whereby decisions has to be make. There is an old saying," do what you deem right'' I guess i will just go with the flow seriously.

I don't want to make myself full of criticism but somehow,i couldn't stand china bitches. They seem really stuck up and has an abhorrent attitudes which i know most of our sg people couldn't stand.

rants,rants,rants,all i need is more rant

I've been thinking,thinking and thinking with the confessing mind in me. Life is never as easy as it is done unless you experience it yourself. It is a rollar-coaster rides for me,ups and down. Basically,no one knows how i feel,what am i thinking or supposing to do because i am someone who do not express myself much or truth to be told,i am a person who immense in deep thoughts and hide my emotional well.

I am always wearing a mask and i won't allow myself to bare my heart to others, or else,i feel as if i am so naked.
Also,i am a very vague and straightforward person whereby i do not give a fuck damn for who you are and i apologise for that because i can't change the fact for how i behave,the way i acted,the person i am.

Somehow,i realised not many of you people could accept the way like i accept for who you are. Still, i know i am a very fuck-up-to-the-core person. I tried in many ways to change but still, i couldn't do so.
I'm not trying to broadcast what kind of person i am but hopefully, you all could understand what kind of person i'm really am. I know i may have offended loads of people out there,for the people they care for me the most and i really appreciated it.

Too much rants tonight.

Last night,although wasn't a blast but we managed to get ourselves a period of soberness. Out partying with my bunches of homies as one of them were holding a celebration at powerhouse and we ordered two bottles of liquors and the rest were ladies night free drink. I sweared i was almost gone and bonkers at the same time. Indeed, i managed to grab hold of myself and cabbed back home alone. I was walking fucking aimlessly and puking on my way home on the cab. I slept through my night and was in a dire straits. The feeling of heavy hangovers was indeed a disaster,not to mention those pukes.

Today, went for shopping trips with my mom and auntie at takashimaya,didn't really purchased anything except for perfume,lip-gloss and one basic top which cost a total bomb of almost two hundred bucks on my account,what a splendid am i? It was too ridiculous right?

Ok,that's about it,will call it a day. Have a bangin' day homies and earthling.

I'm blogging in the middle of the night,at this unearthly hours because my bodyclock is so screwed,worn out and ripped apart.It can't be fix anytime soon unless i get a proper adjustment. In this insanely 3am,everyone is supposedly be sleeping yet i'm up bright and shine typing this entry. It seem like my life revolving about school,sleeping late,working and cutting some slack.

Today a fufilling day,because i managed to slash out a price of sixty for these three dresses and i am so satisfied. It's so DIRT CHEAP compared to other malls selling and i like it because it's demure and sophisticated compared to my usual rockabilty-chick style. Also, went for a hair-trimmed and managed to ask the hairdresser to shave off my back of my head because it is really unglam and ugly as it has a tail behind. It does look less appealing to me and definitely,messy.

I can't seem to understand what's all sibling fights is all about?Feuding here and there,won't it be exhausted enough to keep on bickering hence and forth. Although,i used to have sibling wars with each other. We also slashed tongue with each other, huge cat fights,throw bottles,whacking with tools and etc. But,i realised something, as we grow older or maybe me,such occurence is definitely lesser than i thought. Maybe, we haven't been speaking much to each other or less seen each other which is good. I know both of us have a very foul anger and it is hard to curb those anger management. Peace-talking is much more sensible than those street-dogs fight right?

Last but not least,i maybe hitting on club later at night with bunches of gfs as one of them is celebrating her birthday later and i may crash in a bit.

Catch this blog if you're bored: Http://butter-zirong.blogspot.com

The days were quite mundane for me as of these days,my brain seem dead and i'm kinda feeling off-track lately.The routine were like school,work,sleep and definitely more sleep.

Also,i haven't been partying for a month and it was all good because i get the rare opportunity to feel healthy and less cranky of course. I,maybe hitting the club on wednesday,ladies' night at powerhouse with my bffs but not sure if i'm going if my body system does not call in sick.

My friends aroused the attention of going on a road-trips which seem like a likeable idea for me because i never get to travel and explore after all these years. I will decide which of the best destination to travel and plan upon my schedules.

Now,i have to curb on my binge eating because i have been eating non stop and craving for delicacies.
Back to bed,nigh earthlings.

Recent haywire

One of my friend came crashing into my crib because she met her lowest point of time and i have to keep her accompany,no matter what. When friend's in trouble, it's good to stick together,stays together as one united nations.

But,one of my friend and i don't wish to mention who,used to hang out with us since secondary old school days refused our help when we met into deep trouble. Call yourself a friend,whereby we were there for you while you weren't,less mention about the recent issues we encountered. It was okay,because i have already long ago, disregard you as my close friend long decades ago. I have seen true your real colours and and deepest side of yours before even you take off your masks. I knew you have been pretending for the past few years,for your hypocrite and shameless self-acts. You should know what kind of person am i,because i'm not that kind of person you can be make use of,so is my clear statement i'm stating it here.

I don't give a fucking damn whether you are my close relatives,cousins,friends or even close friends. For once,i found out the betrayal acts you did, this will be the end of my modesty and i show no mercy to you all either.

Anyway, was thought of partying yesterday but i skipped it because i was too motionless to even move my fat ass to club yesterday. But, i have been reminising the past about the party we enjoyed and the drink we drank ever since the last new year eve we ever partied.

The weather has been a whore recently,and abit of haywired of course. It has been either raining cats and dogs or sunshine after rain. Therefore, everyone has been falling ill. I hope everyone take care of themselves because health is wealth and nothing ever matters.

What is a lame post u call it?

So hang me up to dry,because u have hurt me too,too many times.

So hang me up to dry,because i'm bleed too,too many times.

When i'm into shits,you weren't there for me,i was living in a solitare,the person i yearn to see at this utmost and crucial moments,you were busy mingling with your beers and lame jokes. I was too hurt too many times that i forgotten the last heart-aches was when. I wrote too many saddened poetics and sappy songs to heal my deep-cut wounds. I'm not a perfect shits and not a wonderful person.

Sorry,that was a damn emo post i blog about,it's not a biggie because i was just randomly trying to vent out something emo-ing yet touching. Are you all touch enough? Anyway,this picture was taken a few days ago because both of us were bloody BO-LIAO at work so we took it out of fun. To be true,i was damn fucking shag out totally,because i didn't slept my night off before my work and from the picture,you can tell i am able to K.O in bed anytime soon.

Nowadays,it seem like i'm having a sort of disease called amnesia. I can't seem to remember what have i done,and i can't remember the tasks i did before. Bad memories it serves and it was damn jia lat i tell you.

On the other hand, Chinese new year is around the corner and i haven't purchase anything but it's ok,because the GAMBLING sessions is here once again,with booze and card decks,nothing even matters. Woo hoo! One of my friend whose a lucky bastard,because she gets to travel with her parents to Taiwan at this festive season while i'm so stuck,stuck right here. Omfg??!!

So worry sick

I can't seem to sleep properly at this unearthly hours and i'm still surfing the net and playing cooking academy,quite an addictive game although it's dorky but the game suit a nerd like me. Have been behaving cranky,like always i said. I don't know what the hell am i doing? Seriously,i don't know what the fuck am i surfing internet at this wee hours whereby there is no particular sites for me to surf on besides my fb,twitter,replying mails,checking out blogshops,stalking people's photos. There is nothing for me to surf on and to be frank,i'm so sick of the cyber world.

One thing,on a bad new is, my granny is terribly sick and she is seeking treatment at chiangmai. I know how my mom felt at the point of time and i feel helplessly because i couldn't do anything,especially on financial aids and i saw her sobbing her tear down in sorrow. But, i couldn't managed to do anything beside giving my best console. Granny, i wish you all well and better health. We will try visiting you as far as all of us are not tie down with our own individual matters.

Back from school. Initially, thought of heading down to work but bad news is,i'm too lazy to head down. Also,it's paya lebar somemore.
I don't know whether i wanna head down to icon's later because haven't been drinking since last new year eve celebration bash. Somemore, i haven't been catching up with them for a long decades,with more hot gossips.
We used to see each other alot and after, all of us started work and studying,there are lesser time for us to meet up and i considered it a really bad,bad sign.

Sick

Seem like i maybe falling in sick anytime,very soon as my premonition say so. The running nose couldn't stop running away although i attempt to escape from it and my throat sore like one motherfucking bitch and my body aches badly that i need a tranquility to nerve my sorrows in my body.
Even my beloved music i play all the time, the lyrics i seen and my favourite tv drama i watch frequently haven't been listed my favorite at this moment.

Sick is so pain in the ass as much as you are almost bedridden or crippled by the chair.Insanely,i refused to take in any medication because i do not want to fell deep in slumber at such early night,especially in this unearthly hours i'm so much awake as an owl.

SOMEBODY CALL 911??!!

What's going on

I almost thought that i couldn't use the internet because my wireless connection is broken. Fortunately, i managed to get it fix and done,if not i will be the crying bitch tonight without my connection on. I feel so fucked up as well,maybe also due to the awful weather it cause and i feel both my body and leg aching,eyelids is heavier than those footsteps. I think must be the oncoming after partying effect.

Anyway, i feel like booking flight to travel especially chinese new year.Everyone may have love the companies of family,relatives and love ones but spare me off because i hate gathering like this.My whole family is weird because we have lesser communication with the rest of our relatives and no common interest and we have boundaries. Also,it's valentine day and i have no one to spend with and it is exceptionally lonely seeing all the couples walking hand-in-hand. Please,i don't wish to land myself in a miserable state in a pathetic face.

What happen throughout all these years?

Past 2009:

This particular year had been a rollar coaster rides for me,ups and downs and also gone through alot of traumatizing moments. Met a group of circle of friends which turned out to be a nightmare of the worst,almost in love but fell out of love,friends tangled up in numerous troubles,been a party pooper everywhere,lost almost half of my friends,deal with family abhorrence affairs.

Throughout all these shits,i've learnt one thing: Never give up on oneself. As, there are many out there who treasures you and loves you like always. To be frank,i have a wonderful bffs whereby we gone through thick and thin although sometimes we have our own disagreement but we work it out well. When i needed them,they will be my best radio station and listening ear and also a shoulder to cry on,and gossip to bitch about. I want thank you all for the past few years of all the tolerant and all my crying shits which i supposed u all know. I know i never tell anyone about my problems and i admit i do hide my emotions well but it doesn't mean i will ever hurt anyone of you. I can be very sarcastic at all times,but i'm someone you can rely on. Another thing is, i got to know my bunch of lovely friends,lynette and shuting. They are really gorgeous and sophisticated people out there,we party,make love but not war. We always love to do crazy stuffs on the AFTER-SCHOOL hours and i appreciate it and i met alot of dumb fuckers who trying to ruin my bloody life but i'm ain't letting you to destroy me. I'm not an easy person,warn you! Friends encounter bad romances,etc.But,that doesn't mean your life is destroyed and fuck as long as you know you have bunch of beautiful peoples surrounded by you and that's all enough.

For my family and relatives: Thanks for tolerating all my incessants vulgars which i always say it vaguely and i know i shouldn't have done that. Sorry for not calling and tell where i am always because i felt a little procrastinate and out of laziness but you know you all loves me right. I know mom,you care for my health and wish i didn't party as much as i always so u always ask me to watch my health and go for medical check-up and yes,i clearly understood your well intention although i always choose to avoid this issues. Most importantly,i have two wonderful cousins wayne and irwin. I stood there watching them suffering from family loss and i clearly understood how it felt at the moment and i would stand by the both of you even the pillars fall. Although you all think i'm crazy and do nuisance stuff but during the nerve-wrecking period,i know i won't want to see shits happen. I know i don't want to say these but,you know you are always helping me whenever i met into problems although u think is minor but your little advices wake me up from bad dreams,which is you aunt.You're most awesome and havoc!

New year resolution 2010:

1) Stop procrastinating

2)Spend a little quality time with my family

3)Forcast and plan about your upcoming futures

4)Stop being a motherfucker and an aeroplane queen

5)Find loves,not war with mens

6)Cut down on partying,more socialising and the 50 cent niggas

7)Save,save and more saving

8)Driving license because mazda RX 8 i'm so in love with you.

9)Work my asses out and bloody graduate